In writing my memoir, I forced myself to dig really deep into my emotions and the feelings they triggered during the different experiences and periods of my life. I went through many dark days when I felt completely alone in the world. I often felt disconnected from the rest of the world, even my closest family and friends, because I figured they couldn’t truly understand what it was like to be me or to go through all of the things I was going through. Like the initial shock of finding out “something was wrong” with my baby. I didn’t know anyone personally who had been through anything like that. No one could relate to me and my world changed so drastically within just a few months that I could no longer relate to them either.
I don’t know about yours, but my high school Home Ec class didn’t cover the part where unimaginable things that can’t be explained can, and in fact very well will *happen*. Did they even try to tell us this back when we were younger? Was I not listening or did they just not get through to me? Not just the teachers, but our parents and the rest of the world… Did someone ever bluntly say, “One day the world is going to throw you the curveball that will change the course of your life forever. This is what you do. This is how you handle it. This is how you get through it…”? And if they really did try to warn us, when was it exactly? Because I missed it.
I should have paid more attention in my Communication and Speech classes, too, I guess. Or maybe Psych. I don’t know. But that’s where the problem lies for me. I still find it extremely hard to connect with the majority of the people. I find myself mentioning the weather (a lot) way too much. It’s easy and general. But how boring is that. Blah!
What do people actually talk about? I don’t watch TV, politics make my blood pressure skyrocket these days, and I know there’s only so much you want to hear about how cute and smart my toddler is. I can talk about some projects I’m working on but chances are you’re not going to be all that interested. My entire life I’ve struggled to find people to talk about the things that I really want to discuss. New ideas, theories, math, and engineering… Of course, you can find people to talk about these things at work or in school, but in the after-hours? Not so easy.
I’ve been lucky enough to find a few people like this throughout my life so far – my husband included, so thank God for that! I guess I wonder if it’s just me and what makes it so hard for us to really connect? Not just chat, but connect a little deeper? I’ve been reading and researching the concept a lot and have discovered work by researcher/storyteller Dr. Brene Brown and author/life coach Gabrielle Bernstein. If you’re in a similar boat with ‘Connection’, I urge you to check them out.
What are these connections like for you? Are you a parent of a child with special needs or find yourself feeling like you just don’t belong? These are things we need to talk about. Our mental health, the world, our kids and the future, need this now… maybe more than ever. Comment below or email me.