I know you’re wondering what happened to the memoir I planned to publish over a year ago. I was so excited about the big launch and then… crickets. So, what happened exactly? The answer is simple enough.
I got scared.
The book was ready to go, but I guess I wasn’t. I let fear take over when I decided to put the release date off for a couple of months, and then a few more. Now, here we are over a year and a half later, and I’ve still got it locked away.
I feel like I’ve let you down. You have been nothing but encouraging in this journey. I failed you, and I’m sorry.
I let myself down, too. I worked long hard hours to put my toughest thoughts and most beautiful moments into words to share with you. But when the time came to let you in, I ran.
Why exactly? Because All That Shines is the story of my life- or at least a significant part of it. I struggled with what to tell and what was too much information, how to put my most complex emotions and richest experiences into mere words and to figure out if that was even possible.
I agonized over every single word in the hope of bringing my story to life for you in a book you actually want to read and to give it the justice it rightly deserves. My goal was for it not to just tell my story, but to evoke your curiosity and maybe a little empathy while inspiring to look upon our world in a new way you may otherwise never experience.
It’s hard to put a decade of love, heartache and life – and not just my life, but Madilyn’s, too – into only as many words that will fit nicely between two covers within your hands.
Most of all, this memoir is me, and I fear how people will react– what they’ll say and what they’ll think of the book, and of me.
I’ve also considered that it is Madilyn’s life too and I’ve struggled with what she may one day think about her early years published for anyone to read. Maybe she’ll be hurt or not understand what I’ve written and how I felt, or why I wrote it. So, I’ve made the utmost effort to find the right answers to all of these questions and how to deal with these fears.
Today, I want you to know that I’ve decided once and for all to share my story with you, and the rest of the world. Not without one more revision, however, with Madilyn in mind, and then, I promise you – and myself– that it will be published.
My greatest hope is that my story will be a friend to a mother like me when you feel completely lost or alone and need someone the most.
Thank you to my friends, family, and the complete strangers for reaching out in support, both with this book and my life.
In the meantime, I’ll be writing about a lot of the stories and experiences I mention in the book, as well as other life stuff, here on the All That Shines Book Blog. Welcome to my journey.