My Lifelong Struggles

“…and that visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t start this blog with the hardest parts of my life… but I’ve found that putting my struggles into words, both my struggles within and outward with the world, is worth my time and effort. For it is these times and feelings that you and many others may not experience or understand my vulnerability each day. The title is “Lifelong Struggles” but they are things I deal with daily.

  1. Never being able to give her everything she needs, or at least feel like I am
  2. Wanting a bigger career but knowing there’s too much else to do to give Madilyn the best life possible, and then feeling guilty for crying about it anyway
  3. Seeing her struggle, repeatedly, at things most kids just do naturally
  4. Not being able to take away her pain and frustrations
  5. Having to fight for her right to the education she truly deserves
  6. Me, feeling completely alone in the world
  7. Knowing your closest family and friends don’t truly understand what it’s like to be you
  8. Not having the answers, whether it be in terms of medical, education or life
  9. Missing out on opportunities because she’s excluded from the “typical” world because of stereotypes, misconceptions, and lack of accessibility
  10. Not being able to give her things that could help her become more independent and access the world because they’re too expensive, and then being frustrated that they are so expensive just because she’s blind and learns differently
  11. Trying not to compare myself or her, or our life, with others’

These are things many parents deal with at some point, to some degree. I have found it is relative. I know that I, nor Madilyn, do not struggle with the hardships as many in this world, but we do more than some, too. Again, #11.

With that, I believe that it’s our job as human beings on this Earth to do our best in caring for others and not passing judgement. I know there are people who know me and don’t understand some of the choices I’ve made, but I’ve made them with thought and prayers. In a time of constant stream of filtered photos and status updates, we can choose to see it all as we wish. Choose kindness. Choose love.

 

Madilyn at the ocean
Madilyn sitting in the Atlantic Ocean along the Massachusetts coastline

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One Comment

  1. Donna McNear

    Thank you, Hil

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